I am Brutus
by Mikauzoran
Summary: I loved her, and I thought what I was doing was for the best, so when she asked me to betray my best friend, God forgive me, I did it. I told Aoko the secret about Kid. KaitoxAoko with one-sided HakubaxAoko. For Poirot Cafe's writing competition "Betrayal".


Mikau: Hello! Happy Friday! I have two new ones this week as well as the Just Passing Through and FLL updates. This is the first, and the second is a feel good puppy fic with Hakuba and Kaito as best friends. I seem to be writing a lot of that recently. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story, and, if you're feeling down afterwards, you can always go read the puppy fic next. It's called Defining Family. Now on with the show!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, DCMK dogs would be drawn better. The eyes…never seem to look right. Like Coeur. Coeur's eyes looked really glassy and soulless. Kind of creepy. Anyway!

…

I am Brutus

I was a terrible person. I didn't _want _to tell her about Kid, ruin her relationship with Kuroba, but…she loved him, and it would break her heart if she found out by some cosmic accident later.

And…I loved her.

No! No! It's not what you think! I didn't purposefully sabotage them! It wasn't…It wasn't out of jealousy that I told her.

No.

I loved…I love Nakamori Aoko with her child-like exuberance, sparkling cornflower eyes, innocence, strong determination and indomitable will…I love her, so I couldn't stay silent.

She loves…loved Kuroba Kaito, was going to marry him, but before I could allow her to eternally bind her life to his…in an official, publically-sanction manner, anyway…I had to make sure she knew whose lips she would be kissing, in whose arms she would lay at night. Before it was too late. Because I didn't want it to be harder on her later.

Kuroba couldn't keep it from her indefinitely. He'd done well to keep her mostly in the dark for these past five years, but…it wouldn't last much longer. When they married, when they lived together…he'd get careless. It would only take that once, and then she'd find out, and she'd be devastated.

She'd scream and cry and shout, "How could you?! Aoko trusted you! Aoko _trusted_ you, and…and…all this time you were just laughing at Aoko and Aoko's dad behind their backs! You lied! You—You've been lying this _whole_ time!"

And if she found out the part I had played in it all, covering for him, _helping_ him…she wouldn't stop in the middle of her rage and her injury to ask "Why would you do such a thing, Hakuba-kun?" She would hate me too, and then she would never understand, would never let anyone explain to her.

This way…with me turning traitor…I could sit her down and talk about the danger, the Organization, Kuroba's father.

Even though it wasn't my place.

I was sharing secrets confided to me in the utmost confidence. I was stabbing Kuroba in the back with every word from my lips of murder and moonlight. Even though I was doing it for what I thought to be Aoko's good, another part of me hurtled accusations and terrible insults right back at me as I spoke.

I was the worst friend ever…to the only man that had ever been my friend.

And why?

For a woman.

Because I loved her and I couldn't stand the thought of seeing her in pain.

Even though I was causing her pain by telling her.

But hadn't I warned Kuroba? Hadn't I told him over and over that he needed to tell her, needed to be straight with her? Hadn't I warned him that it would be a disaster should she find out on her own? That she'd cast him out of her heart forever, never giving him time to explain?

Better to make the first move, come clean, and explain it all properly, be given credit for finding the courage to be honest rather than be accused of trying to get away with it…of hiding things from her.

But Kuroba never said anything. It had been a year since I'd first started pushing him to confess. Well, he'd confessed alright. Not to his crimes but to his feelings. And they'd begun a passionate romance to rival epic poetry.

Aoko grew suspicious as she spent more time with him. He had me lie for him, cover for him, and I felt like a traitor then too.

I looked into her sweet, forget-me-not blue eyes…and then looked away because I couldn't actually look her in the eye and spout those lies he had fed me. I was his pawn, his puppet…but not a very good one. I couldn't lie to the one person that he needed me to.

Because I was absolutely besotted. I _pined_ after her, longed to reach out and touch her, gush words of love, affection, fidelity, and adoration.

I sat on my hands until they were numb and bit my lip until I drew blood because she was _not_ mine, nor would she ever be.

She belonged with my friend, my master who made me to dance distractingly so she wouldn't notice his absence. He made me to say pretty lies so she wouldn't get suspicious.

He was my master…but she was my mistress. And I was their dog, devoted and slavish, and she _knew_ it. She knew how I felt for her.

But she did not care for me in that way. I was her friend. Her sweet, compassionate friend, utterly emasculated by my worship of her and dwarfed in her eyes by her feelings for _him_.

But that was okay!

I told myself many times that it was okay because I was lucky to have either of them in my life…no matter how much pain it brought.

Still…she _knew_ I was her slave if she but said the word, and she…might have used me at times.

I had been teetering about telling her myself very often lately when…last night, she pressed me…pressed my buttons…and I gave in to her.

She'd come over to our apartment, Kuroba's and mine, asking for him.

I told her that he was out with some friends because that was what he had told me to say when she came. Because he knew she would come to check. She came nearly every night, but…it seemed that in the past few months she'd noticed a correlation between Kaito not being in and the Kid heists. I don't know that she suspected the truth, but she was definitely suspicious.

"What friends?" she asked, inviting herself in and going to sit on my couch. "He didn't say anything to Aoko about any friends."

"He didn't say which ones." I shrugged. He'd told me to say that so she couldn't seek corroboration with those named.

She nodded, crossing her right leg over her left. She was wearing a skirt…a rather short one…shorter than usual.

I made a point of not looking at her long, slender, pale legs, the milky white skin of her bared thighs.

She stared at me, waiting patiently. "Where did he go?"

I shook my head, going into the kitchen to make tea and get some snacks for her.

She followed me. "Saguru-kun?" she called in almost a pout. She'd become incredibly more proficient over the years in using her feminine whiles under the tutelage of a certain Koizumi Akako.

"I don't recall." I tried not to look at her as I readied the tea.

"So he _did_ tell you." She smiled in triumph at my inadvertent slip.

"I don't really remember clearly if he did or not." I endeavored not to show my unease.

"…He's cheating on Aoko, isn't he?" she whispered, looking down at her feet. "Because Aoko's not pretty and she's 'stupid like her father'."

"What?!" I dropped the lid to the tea container and it clattered to the floor. I looked at her in utter disbelief. "Aoko-san, that's not it at all! Kuroba loves you, and he would never…! And far from being ugly or stupid, Aoko-san, you're—!"

I bit my lip before all of my feelings came spilling out.

She knew how I felt without my having to say anything.

I looked away, fetching the lid and making a point of staring at my hands. "You're not ugly and you're not stupid and Kuroba is not cheating on you."

"Then what _is_ he doing?" she sighed in frustration, and it was easy to see that she was frazzled by all this, frayed and very much at the end of her rope. "_Who_ is he with? If it's not some pretty girl then why is he having you lie to Aoko all the time? Aoko knows you're lying, Saguru-kun."

I was silent, unable to meet her gaze as she denounced me.

With another sigh, she leaned with her back against the kitchen counter, gazing down dejectedly at her engagement ring.

"He's hiding something from Aoko, and you know what it is," she whispered.

Suddenly the apartment felt as frigid as the coldest day on the moons of Pluto.

"He doesn't love Aoko enough to tell her his big secret," she pouted. "He doesn't trust Aoko."

"No," I whispered, finally meeting the gaze of the woman I loved. "He doesn't tell you because he loves you too much to risk _losing_ your love by telling you."

I had determined that that would be the only thing I would say. I'd already overstepped my bounds. Another word and Kaito would never forgive me. It wasn't my place, and now that it was out there, the confirmed fact that he did indeed have a secret, he could tell her himself when she asked.

My job was done.

But she wasn't finished with our conversation. "Aoko would never stop loving Kaito, no matter what. What's he hiding from her?"

"I really can't tell you that," I insisted as she moved in on me, slowly coming closer. "You'll have to talk to Kuroba."

"He won't talk to Aoko," she sighed in defeat, all the while resting a delicate…perfect…hand on my forearm. She looked up at me with pleading eyes and whispered, "Please?"

And I felt like I'd been scorched by the sun where she touched me. The flesh upon which she rested her palm had disintegrated away like grains of sand.

"Please?" she repeated as I stared at her, so, _so_ beautiful and ignorant of key facts about the man she loved.

And she begged me, eyes wet and shimmering, lips parted sensually as if inviting me in.

"Please?" she entreated one final time, taking a step closer as she gently squeezed my arm. "Aoko wants to know everything about him, but…Kaito won't tell her, doesn't trust her." And then she put the final nail in my coffin: "Aoko's going to be his wife. Doesn't she have the right to know?"

Yes. Yes, absolutely, and how could I deny her that? Even though it wasn't my secret to tell…I am a weak-willed man very, very much in love with that dazzling creature, and I could deny her nothing when she pleaded with me so desperately, looked at me like…if only you could have seen the way she looked at me. I love her, I tell you. I am completely at her mercy, servant to her whims, and she…she asked me to betray my best friend.

And—God, forgive me—I did it.

We made our way back into the living room as I assured her insistently that Kuroba was a good man—is _still_ a good man. It might have sounded like I was making excuses for him, trying to soften the blow, but…I told her how noble her fiancé was, what a kind, selfless man he was.

And then as we sat on the couch, I spoke of the Organization and their evil ends…and she put her hand on my knee, giving it a gentle squeeze when I had second thoughts and hesitated to say more.

I knew what she was doing, how her desire to know the truth about her future husband was leading her to go against her virtuous nature and manipulate me in such a way. Every time she used her charms, it only strengthened my resolve to tell her everything because I knew how bad she had to want this information in order to do something that was this loathsome to her. She was sinking low to learn Kaito's secrets…and I would go with her, deigning to wear the brand of a traitor for the sake of the woman I loved.

I spoke of the murder of Kuroba Touichi at the hands of the Organization with some reserve, knowing that this part of my tale would hit home, strike a personal chord. She had, after all, viewed the man as an uncle, and it must have been hard losing him…losing the entire Kuroba family, really, as a result of his murder—Chikage to the asylum and Kaito…to the brooding, mirthless shell he had become afterwards.

"_Why_?" she demanded through gritted teeth and hot tears.

It was like a boot pressing down and twisting on a gunshot wound to my stomach. I knew she would weep even more bitterly when I delivered the coup de grace. How could I tell her her true love's awful secret when I knew it would hurt her so much more than the despair and pain and hatred she was feeling now? …But how could I not tell her and let her find out later? How could I keep all this from her any longer when it would only mean delaying the day when she would feel the sting and humiliation of betrayal? Wasn't it better to learn this secret of her _fiancé_'s now than to later learn what her _husband_ had been hiding from her for years?

I had to tell her now to save her from an even more brutal hardship. At least…that's what I kept thinking at the time, the justification I used to break my word to Kuroba, to break my silence.

"Because he knew too much. Kuroba Touichi was in their way," I slowly revealed.

"How?" she scoffed. "He was just a magician. How did he…? How come?" she begged of me.

So I told her about Pandora and the Kaitou Kid's mission…and the first Kid's identity.

And she cried and screamed and denied it. She yelled at me for telling such lies about her kind uncle. Who was apparently a good man and would never steal. Because stealing was wrong. It was illegal and, in her young, naïve, black-and-white world of good versus evil, stealing for whatever reason made you a criminal…bad. And her uncle wasn't bad. He would have gone to the police as soon as he found out. He would have worked with her father to stop the bad guys and take down the Organization and save the country. Because that was the way things worked in her idealistic world. Surely her uncle didn't have to _steal_ the items. If he just explained to the owners about needing to check the gems, everyone would have understood and no one would have laughed at him about the Pandora myth and everything would have been fine.

I looked at her sadly, wishing I could take it all back. I was hurting her. I didn't want to hurt her. No, that was the last thing I _ever_ wanted to do, but…

"You're wrong!" she shouted, now standing on the opposite side of the room, wanting to get as far away from me, my lies, and my slander as possible. "Besides, Uncle Touichi is dead! He can't be Kid! Kid is still alive!"

"Someone took his place," I explained softly to counteract her wails and her screeches. "Someone is trying to fulfill his mission, protect us all from the Organization in Touichi-san's place. Kid may be a thief, but I assure you that he never profits from it, and he doesn't do it for fun or glory or any of the selfish reasons that he could. Kid is Kid because he's a good man trying to protect, keep the Organization from making orphans out of other children, keep other wives from becoming widows and succumbing to grief. He's trying to protect everyone and fulfill the mission his father left behind."

She froze at that as her mind tried to put the pieces together with shaky hands. It seemed as if it had succeeded as tears started welling up afresh in the corners of her eyes. But she shook her head, rejecting her conclusions even more vehemently than she had the very idea that her uncle had been Kid.

"No," she choked. And then stronger: "No!"

She looked at me like I was the most vile, putrid _thing_ she had ever laid eyes on.

"Kaito wouldn't—he wouldn't…_lie_ to Aoko like that!" She looked absolutely petrified, no doubt as she remembered the time Kaito had wanted to go to the theatre…when Kid was holding a heist there…or the time that Kaito had wanted to meet the queen…when Kid was holding a heist on that train…or the times that Kaito had insisted on visiting her father while he was at work…getting ready for a Kid heist…or any of the other times that Kaito had wanted to do something, go somewhere, spend time with her…when there was always something related to Kid going on.

"Kaito wouldn't use Aoko like that!" she screamed in terror, looking at me like I was some being come back from beyond the grave—something horrifying and most likely covered in rotting flesh. She was so afraid that the love of her life had all been a sham…a scam.

"Kaito wouldn't!" she insisted, falling to her knees and crumpling up like a lifeless puppet with its strings cut.

"No! No! NO!" she wailed as her heart shattered, shards of it piercing her like shrapnel, stabbing her lungs and making it hard to breathe, cutting her throat and making it impossible to speak.

I ran to her side, wrapping my arms around her as she thrashed and yowled like a wounded animal.

She shrieked for a while, repeating "no, no, no" interminably. Sometimes she yelled it angrily. Sometimes she whimpered it, pleading for it not to be so. Eventually her strength left her and she mumbled it mechanically into my collarbone, not even aware of what was going on around her, that she was even saying anything at all.

I apologized many times, but she didn't react. I told her that she was wrong, that Kaito was good, that he loved her, that he had his reasons, and that she just had to try to understand.

She didn't seem to hear me.

She began to weep silently after a while, and about fifteen minutes after that, she pulled away from me and got to her feet, straightening her rumpled clothes.

Without saying a word to me, she headed to the restroom, most likely to wash her face and freshen up. She emerged ten minutes later looking solemn and tired, and I didn't know what to say to her.

She bowed half-heartedly and turned to leave.

I caught her by the arm, and we shared a look for just a few seconds.

"Thank you…for telling Aoko," she choked out, voice rough from crying and screaming. "Aoko just…needs some time to think."

She shrugged me off and left before I could assure her that I was there for her and more than willing to listen if she needed a sounding board.

Not that I had any right to say those things.

And it was then that I felt I was in the wrong. It wasn't my secret to tell, and where did I get off deciding what was best for Aoko, meddling in their relationship?

I'd made her cry. I'd broken her heart.

For her own good? Please! Kuroba would have handled it more smoothly, with more delicacy than that, surely! If he had chosen to tell her. Which he probably wouldn't…because maybe he _could_ have gone on deceiving her forever, never breathing a word of it and going on to have a happy marriage and those five kids, two dogs, one cat, mom van, and white picket fence he had always dreamed of.

And they would have been happy…had she remained blissfully ignorant.

Only I'd ruined it. I'd stepped in and ruined it, not knowing what I was doing, what I was saying.

I hated myself.

I was the lowest, most despicable creature to ever walk the earth. I had stabbed my best friend in the back, given in to my attraction to Aoko and allowed my lips to speak of secrets better left unknown…and broken the heart of the woman I adored.

I was a fool and a coward, and I deserved to die.

I wanted to die and escape from my shame, my despair. The only thing that stopped me from slashing my wrists or hanging myself from the rafters was my sense of responsibility. Kaito was going to come home, and he had every right to kill me himself. After what I had done to him, he deserved the chance to strangle me bare-handed…not that he would. He'd want to, of course, but Kaito wasn't a killer.

I didn't take my own life because he wouldn't have wanted that. And after what I had done, I owed him anything that he might ask of me.

So I went to the kitchen and fished out a bottle of the alcohol Kaito used for cooking. I sipped at it…and then a second bottle…until Kaito came home.

I don't know how much time passed between then and the moment Kaito flung open the door, growling, "Hakuba?!"

I was drunk and don't remember too much of what he said at first. There were accusations and bestial shouts of anguish and fury. I don't think all of it was even actual words. Sometimes he just seemed to be screaming in rage or howling in pain.

I remember the look on his face, though. It read: "How could you?! You were my best friend! I was an idiot to trust you! This is all your fault! I've lost the love of my life because of you, and I hate you! I HATE you! I want to kill you, but you're not even worth killing, you flea! You viper! You hog!"

He threw Aoko's engagement ring at me…probably as she had thrown it at him.

He screamed something along the lines of, "Were you so jealous that you had to destroy her love for me?! Huh? Did you want her so bad that you had to crush her heart into itty bits so that you stood a chance? Well, why don't you give her the ring?! See if she'll wear it for you, 'cause she sure as hell isn't letting _me_ put it back on her finger!"

Things actually got a lot clearer once he punched me, imploring me to say something, daring me to defend myself.

I had nothing to say. I'd broken something precious and irreplaceable. I had no right to speak to him.

He kicked me in the ribs twice, first with gusto, the second time…utterly without malice.

He whispered something. His voice was strained. Tears were flowing. "C'mon," he urged weakly, dropping to his knees beside me.

He nudged me with the back of his hand, entirely without force.

I didn't move. I stayed where I had landed, tears streaming wordlessly from my own eyes.

He sighed and collapsed to the floor at my side, all his strength leaving him.

He choked on a sob, closing his eyes as his body shook.

"…I'm sorry," I whispered, even though my apology was probably only an insult rubbing salt in his wounds.

He hiccupped, trying to hold in tears, trying to be strong, but…

I dared to press my forehead to his and mumble once more, "I'm sorry…. I didn't…" I bit my lip to keep from making excuses. I didn't deserve to be understood. And yet…my lips kept moving, voice kept explaining, "She begged me to tell her your secret because you don't talk to her. She thought you were cheating on her, thought you didn't trust her, so I…she begged me, and—"

"—You gave in to her," Kaito finished, opening his eyes, scooting back a bit so that we could see each other properly…as properly as possible through our tears. "Because you couldn't say no to her. Because she's just too damn wonderful, right?"

I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at him. His voice was calm and understanding now because he knew what it was like being subject to Aoko's whims. He was under her thumb just as surely as I was, and he knew my inability to deny her.

He sat up. I could hear the rustle of his clothes as he did so, feel the shift in the air on my face.

"Not just that," I mumbled. "I thought…she deserved to know the truth. It wasn't just that she pressured me or seduced me…she…spoke to my conscious, and it was I who made the conscious decision to tell her everything…in hopes that she would understand and be able to make a well-informed decision, talk with you about it and come to appreciate what you're doing once she got over the initial…feelings of betrayal."

I sighed, opening my eyes, looking up at him pitifully. "I was stupid, and I was _wrong_, Kaito. Don't look at me like that, like you understand why I did it. I don't want you to understand me or forgive me. I want you to hate me, curse me, rue the day you ever were fool enough to trust me!" I begged for his retribution. "_Hate_ me!"

He gazed down at me and smiled despondently. "I'm too tired to hate you, and trusting you with my secret has saved my behind more times than I can count, so… I really can't say that I regret it."

"I wish I were dead," I whimpered, not knowing if I would be able to go on like this. If he hated me, that was fine. I could live so long as he despised me. But if he forgave me…could I get out of bed every day knowing that I had a momentous debt to repay to him?

"Don't be dead," Kaito urged gently. "I just lost the love of my life. I don't want to lose my best friend too."

"_Nooo_," I whined. I think that was the last remnants of the alcohol talking. "_Haaaaate_ meeee. Be angry."

"I _am_ angry," he assured, not sounding it in the least. "I just…I'm too depressed to show it right now…. And I could really use some comfort from my best friend, so…"

I finally peeled myself up off the floor into a sitting position. I looked at him, taking in how worn out he looked. After the heist, his fight with Aoko…he didn't need trouble on my end as well. He needed a cup of hot chocolate and some fudge brownies.

I got up a little shakily and walked in not quite a straight line to the kitchen. A few minutes later, I brought back a mug of hot chocolate. I retook my seat on the floor and set the beverage down in front of him.

He took it with a grateful yet exhausted smile.

"Don't forgive me," I begged once more.

He shook his head as he took a deep, calming inhale of the cocoa scent. "I should have told her when you started bringing it up a year ago. _I_ was the fool for thinking I could keep her in the dark forever. I was the idiot for not trusting her in the first place. This is my fault. I brought this all upon myself regardless of what you did tonight. She's not stupid, Hakuba. She would have figured it out eventually, and…I guess it's better now than a few years down the line when we've got three kids to drag through a messy divorce with us."

Silence fell upon us as we both considered his words.

A minute later, he sighed, "I was an idiot, thinking I could keep all that from her and still have a healthy relationship."

"…I was hoping," I started hesitantly. "Well, I _knew_ she was going to be angry, but I made sure to explain it all properly to her. I explained it properly, and by the time I got to talking about you personally, she already knew your reasons and about the Organization and your father. I was hoping that after hearing all that, she'd get mad, yes, but then…understand. I didn't mean to divide you. I wanted the two of you to come closer together. This secret has put a wall between you two for years now, so… My aim was to tear it down…or at least help you overcome it together. I had hoped that once she knew, she would accept it…you…and be able to appreciate what you do."

Kaito smiled softly. It spread up his cheeks and almost reached his eyes, but…there was still a twinge of misery to it. "Maybe she still will. Maybe she'll stew and brood about it for a bit and then come back, decide that she can accept me after all." He laughed bitterly, wiping a fresh tear from his eyes. "Hey, a guy can dream, right?"

All I was able to do was look on at the mess I had made gravely.

He snorted in amusement at me. "Don't look so glum. Maybe she'll come to you for comfort and you can win her over yet."

I looked down at the floor, grabbed the engagement ring from where it had landed not three feet away. "I could never take her from you." I pressed the ring into his palm and made him close his hand around it. "Let's just decide to be optimistic, okay? Otherwise…I don't think I'll be able to live with myself."

"You're so melodramatic," Kaito chuckled a great deal more lightheartedly than he felt. "Come on. It's almost four in the morning; no point in going to sleep now. We might as well sit up and watch movies. What do you say to breaking out your BBC Shakespeare collection? How about we watch Hamlet? I'm in the mood to laugh at some poor, pathetic schmucks with a fate more tragic than mine."

"I thought for sure you'd want to watch Julius Caesar in light of current events," I snorted but went to get the DVD out of the curio cabinet anyway.

Kaito rolled his eyes at me. "Please. Caesar? I'm no Caesar, and you're no Brutus. If we have to be anything, let's be Much Ado About Nothing or Twelfth Night. The Tempest?"

My eyes narrowed. "But…none of those have much to do with our current situation, do they?"

He shrugged. "They all have happy endings. I'm hoping that's the common thread. We _were_ trying to be optimistic, weren't we?"

I nodded, giving him a soft and (what I hoped was) reassuring smile as I put the DVD in.

…

It was an entire month later, but…she did come back. She wasn't the same madly-in-love dreamer that she was before. She was much more of a somber, skeptical woman, but…she offered him the olive branch. She didn't want to be a couple right away, but she made it known that she wouldn't be opposed to that in the future if things went well.

Her conditions and terms were simple. She wanted a clean slate for the both of them and brutal honesty going forward. She confessed that she probably wouldn't trust him as far as she could throw him at first (and that was surprisingly far), but she promised to try to regain her trust in him, and he promised to earn it.

They'd be starting over as friends, building a proper relationship this time on trust, acceptance, forgiveness, and honesty.

And after she got done talking with him, she thanked me whole-heartedly. She smiled at me, made my heart go flip-flop in a dozen directions as it danced. She told me that I'd helped her more than I'll ever know, that I saved her from a possible catastrophe in the future.

What's more…Kuroba thanked me too.

All was forgiven, and we were free to move on towards our happy ending, never forgetting the struggles along the way that would eventually lead us there.

The

End

…

Mikau: How was it? I hope you had fun reading it; it was fun to write. I just got really inspired all of the sudden and whipped the whole thing out on Sunday. Thanks so much for reading guys! I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Thanks as always for reviewing! You have no idea how I appreciate your feedback and you taking the time to write it out for me. See you next week!


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